Under the covers
by killermanatee
Summary: a short fic of Sara's thoughts after their sorta first night. Short and not so sad.


**Author's note: **More silent-ness. :) I love that mood. :) I'm looking for a beta! Anyone willing to do the job???  
**Story: **Just a random bit after their first night together. More or less first night...  
**Disclaimer:** Do you see any names? I sure don't :P  
**Dedication:** For Jake. And he'll never know :)

Under the covers

Your face in the dark. Frowning in your sleep, mouth slightly parted. Your hair a mess.

I sit in the old chair, wrapped in a blanket.

Watching you sleep.

Not quite as romantic as it might sound. You are on your stomach, facing me, snoring into the pillows, the sheet down to your waist. I can basically feel you getting cold.

I can't help but think back to the last time I watched you like this. We were both so much younger. More naive. At least on my part... Thinking I knew the difference between sex and love. Full of false ideas of being able to keep them separated. Thinking I'd be "adult" enough. I don't even remember how I defined that word..  
The mistakes we make without experience. The way the years changed us... It seems surreal

We have both played games and were equally the ones to be played. Each have left their marks. Less romance instead practicality and... reality I guess. The feeling of butterflies and excitement replaced by comfort and understanding. Knowing each other inside out. With all quirk and twists. In so many moments spent together. Always just close, always a little more than friends. But always sure to keep the distance.

Until tonight.

You murmur something in your sleep and roll onto your back  
Those hairs on your chest have become gray with the years. Just like the short curls on your head. It makes me smile. Looking at your aging body. Being aware of the years.  
You have never been one to be self-conscious. Too busy thinking. About anything and everything. Too interested in other values. Wisdom your sign of beauty. You seem to embrace the signs of age. Treat them more a like a trophy. The gray of your beard. Probably only a symbol of wisdom to you.

I smile and let them be. Your body has always just been part of my attraction to you. Never the focus. It was much more the way you acted, the sound of your voice, your scent. And especially your broad knowledge. It has always been your mind that captivated me. Stimulated me. They way how you explain the world. How You mange to find the right words.

I look at the scattered cloths on the floor. More smiling as I remember how they ended up there. The rush, the urgency.

But tonight was not just about the physical. It was about intimacy. Being with each other. As close as possible. No more boundaries. Wrapped in each other. The way only bare skin can make you feel. So many things were different than the last time. More gentle. More confident. More natural. Better.  
Better because we went beyond sex. Better because we just let it be. Not forced, not planned. Just us. Being who we are. No expectations.

The sun is waiting just below the horizon, illuminating the distant mountains in shades of peach. I continue to watch it rise until the first rays fall into the room.

I don't know where we will go from here. Neither one of us seemed to care about that last night.  
But now in the dim light of a new day I am starting to think about it. Maybe we can make this actually work. Maybe not. Maybe it's right and maybe it isn't. Maybe this is what we both need and maybe it is what will make both of our lives only harder. Maybe we will both just end up regretting our actions.

I'm too tired to figure it out, too comfortable to worry right now.

Instead I sit.

Watching the steady movement of your chest.

The sun rays now warming my neck and finally they fall on your face. The play of light and shadow bringing your features to life.

You open your eyes slowly.

"Hey..." Your voice raspy with sleep bringing yet another smile to my lips.  
"Hey."

You rub your eyes with slow hands, then pull up the sheet and turn back on your side.

It is this moment. Seeming so irrelevant. And yet somehow it brings me to the point I haven't been able to get to all night. The sign of comfort, of understanding...

Of peace.

It is this moment that let's me know that maybe we do have a chance.


End file.
